I went on a first date with this girl to a local art festival. We stop by a stand with a large crowd where the vendor is throwing free t-shirts into the crowd. I decide that I will grab one of these shirts and impress my date. Well, the vendor tosses a shirt high to my right and I lunge for it with outstretched arms. In my attempt to catch the shirt, I nail my date with my right elbow and knock her out cold. I mean this bitch fell like a sack of potatoes and laid on the ground unconcious for several seconds. I end up taking her to the ER and we never spoke again. WIDD
Random Post:
What a prick
She and I had been friends for a few months and then I finally asked her out. Things were going great, I met her entire family and things just kept going on from there. Well one day as I was going into my bedroom, she was walking out holding a needle, and I asked her what was up and she said she just needed to get a splinter out. Later that day I noticed my drawer was askew, the drawer where I have the condoms…..they all had been pierced. WIDD. I’m dating her friend instead
Huh?
I don’t date because neo-feminist American women seem to have nothing to offer aside from need and shrillness. WIDD
Smushmortion
I’m not the type of girl who does one-night stands. But I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship and needed to get laid. So I end up hooking up with this guy who looks like a cross between Harry Potter and Jude Law (OK, so he was more like Harry Potter 
). To make a long story short, I get pregnant and end up having an abortion. WIDD
play by play
Last night went something like this…
8PM Go to liquor store to buy a 12-pack of High Life and a bottle of Boonsfarm
9PM My roommate, Doug, and I polish off the booze and head to a local bar
10PM We start talking to some mildly attractive girls
10:15PM We lose interest in these girls and try to talk to some hotter girls
10:30PM Things are looking good. We might actually get laid tonight.
10:35PM Doug tells the girls that he has a 10-inch cock and asks them if they want to see it.
10:36PM Things are not looking so good. Girls are disgusted by Doug and walk away
12AM We have been denied by just about every girl in the bar so we proceed to get sh*tfaced.
1AM Doug is pouring himself drinks behind the bar
1:15AM We are escorted out of the bar
1:30AM We see 2 girls that we know and decide to split a cab and go back to our apartment.
1:35AM Doug pukes all over one of the girls.
1:36AM Cab driver kicks us out and we walk home. Girls do not come with us.
2:15AM I am wrecking fools in Halo 3.
WIDD
This isn’t where I parked my car
I dated this girl for about a year and she found out that I was f*cking around. My girlfriend made an unexpected visit and she walked in on some skeezie headbutting my bellybutton (ala Monica Lewinsky). My girlfriend went absolutely ballistic and chased the girl out of my house. My girlfriend started breaking sh*t so I threatened to call the cops. She took my warning and stormed out of the house. As I am sitting on my couch about 30 seconds later, a f*ckin Honda Civic comes crashing into the front of my house. My psycho girlfriend drove a car through the front of my house! I called the cops, she was arrested, and I had to live in a hotel for a week while my house got a facelift. WIDD
Blowjob Queen
I found out that the girl I was dating was nicknamed “the blowjob queen” in high school. WIDD
2 for 1
One of my afternoon classes was canceled the other day, and I walk into my apartment and the girl that I am seeing has a cock in each hand. She is blowing both of my roommates at the same time! WTF?! WIDD
Classy girl
My boyfriend and I were having sex and he asked me if he could cum on my tits and I obliged. Well, he pulls out and shoots and half of his load ends up on my face. Apparently, he likes to shoot for distance. There is nothing more disgusting than having a face full of jizz. WIDD
Love poot
I just got done banging this chick and as I’m pulling my pecker out, she lets out the loudest and most disgusting queef ever. It sounded like she sat on a whoopie cushion. I gave her a look of disgust and she non-chalantly said, “she’s just talking to you, hun.” WIDD
Oh Herro
I’m Asian and ugly as f*ck. WIDD
Cottage cheese girl
So one hot summer night in August, the day before I went back to college, I decided to hook up with my ex- girlfriend one last time. I was at my friends graduation party down the street from were she lived. Things were cool at first considering we have been in a love-hate relationship ever since we broke up. As time went by I got super drunk and my ex-girlfriend told me should would meet me back at her house. I was pumped because I knew I was gonna get my D wet. After a few beers later I end up at her house and she’s passed out half naked in the bath tub covered in her own vomit (WTF). She ends up still trying to get on me after she smells like old nasty cottage cheese (eww). I try to escape but she starts chasing me out of her house as I escape on my 12 gage mountain bike (No Joke-don’t drink and drive). I get half-way down the driveway until she falls down trying to grab me ( I heard like a boom sound..haha). She ended up eating it pretty bad with some minor cuts on her arm. After all the screaming and chaos the cops came and she got in trouble with her mom and the authorities. I ended up evading the arrest thanks to my 12 gager (never pedaled so fast in my life). Unfortunately,after the incident she told all her friends that I beat her and that I am dangerous person. But who the fuck would want to hook up with some bitch that smells like old cottage cheese. What a bitch right…WIDD
You didn’t get the memo?
In high school I was dating a girl, nothing serious. After the prom we went to a party at our friends house, drank a little beer, sat in the hot tub etc. When I was taking her back to her house she was a little wierd, I just thought she was tired. I found out a few weeks later she made out with one of the other guys that was there, he was a friend of mine too.
That part sucked, but the worst part was almost everyone else at the party knew but no one told me. These were supposed to be my best friends. That was the part that sucked the most. WIDD
Stinky balls
I was working as a dishwasher in a pizza shop one summer. There was this hoodrat that did the bread sticks and she would always throw me some looks. One night, at the end of my shift I was getting ready to walk home. She came up to me and asked if she could walk with me. I agreed. Onthe walk home we came across a playground and she coerced me to go “talk” on the benches. Almost immediately she jumped me. Just hopped on top of me and my nasty clothes. (If you have ever been a dish washer before then you know that at the end of a shift you smell like an Indonesian prison) I try to fight it, knowing how stinky my balls must be. However my attempts are futile. She takes off my pants and proceeds to give me some dirty hoodrat dome. I remember seeing pieces of cheese and pepperoni that had adhered to the inside of my legs while washing dishes. I just laughed. WIDD
Valet love
I went to my cousin’s wedding reception and I was forced to valet my car because of limited parking. The wedding was a blast and I ended up hitting it off with one of my cousin’s friends. I ask this girl to come back to my place for some drinks and she accepts. She asks if she can ride with me, so we take my valet ticket up to the front desk and wait for them to bring my car up. When the valet brings up my car, I hop in and immediately notice that there is a f*cking used condom on the passenger-side floor. I know the condom isn’t mine because I haven’t had sex in weeks (and who the f*ck drives around with dirty rubbers on the floor of their car?). As the girl that I am taking home steps in the car, she pauses for a second as she realizes that there is a condom on the floor. I see her look of utter disgust and I know that I will not be tasting any of that sweet poontang tonight. The girl backs away from the car and says, “On second thought, I probably shouldn’t be doing this. I will just get a ride home from Kristen.” I never found out who that condom belonged to, but I presume that two of those valets decided to bump uglies in the front seat of my Honda. WIDD
This is my stop
Last weekend, I took a Greyhound bus for 8 hours to see my girlfriend at college. She wouldn’t have sex with me because she said that she “didn’t feel like it.” Do you know what kind of f*cking people ride Greyhound buses? WIDD
Xmas all year!
Herpes!!! The gift that keeps on giving! WIDD
Get jiggy wit it
So I was dating this girl for awhile and everything was going great. Our families got a long like clams, and her and I were inseparable. Well one day, we got into a big fight and my momma got scared, she said I was moving with my auntie and uncle to Bel-Air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the License plate said “Fresh” and had a dice in the mirror If anything I could say that this cab was rare But I thought now forget it, yo home to Bel-Air. I pulled up to a house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby “Yo, home smell you later” Looked at my kingdom I was finally thereTo sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air. WIDD
I don’t know if this is cool or not
So I was dating my eventual wife at the time…and my step-sister was moving to college about 90 minutes away (party school!!!) Me and a buddy agreed to help her and some friends move in. Nice place…5 bedroom townhouse with a jacuzzi downstairs next to the kitchen. We finish moving then they get dressed up a bit and we’re going to head out to the bar for some fun. We’re all getting hammered and decide it’s time to come home. Her roommate is shitfaced so I promise to drive this girl back to the townhouse and my buddy is going to drive the step sister back in his car. On the way back the roommate starts coming onto me in the car big time! Rubbing my cock, kissing on my ear etc etc. We get back..and she bolts inside…(I guess to the bathroom). I meander upstairs to find my step sister starting to get undressed for the night. I simply ask; “Need any help?” We laid in bed after hours of hardcore sex wondering: “What would your mom and my dad say to all of this???!!!” WIDD
Craigslist.com/ditchthatbitch
This chick answered my Craigslist personals post. Her picture was hot, but in person she was NOT! Nonetheless, trying to be polite, we went out to a bar. She drank three Long Island Iced Teas and suddenly stuck her tongue down my throat, gross! But since I paid for her drinks and had driven out of my way for this lame date, I took her to my car and she blew me. Then I said, “Let’s go somewhere else and drove to another bar, pulled over and said, “Shit, do you feel that?”
“Feel what?” She asked.
“The back of the car is off, it’s wobbling. Check your side, maybe I’ve got a flat.”
And she got out to look and I burned rubber, yeah! “Later, you lying bitch!” That’s what you get for posting a photo of yourself when you were ten years younger and 80 pounds thinner! WIDD
Looks like you could use a hand..
while at college i had been on a couple of dates with this girl. We had had sex once and it was ok, but she was pretty much a box o’ friggin’ rocks. anyways, i kinda wanted to test her freakiness/creepiness threshold to see if i wanted to continue tapping that ass. so i rented “A Clockwork Orange” and invited her over to watch it with me. I figured a couple of things could happen: 1) she would be utterly turned off by the violence, and therefore out the door (it IS pretty brutal if you haven’t seen it), or 2) she would understand the themes/appreciate the story/dig the cinematography/whatever, in which case i would be proven wrong about her intelligence and therefore keep her around for more than just sex. anyhow, i put it in and we’re just sitting there quietly watching, until the scene where Alex (the main character) and his friends rape the writers wife while singing “Singin’ in the Rain”. i figure the jig is up with girly and she’s gonna bolt any second so i looked over at her and HOLY F*CKING CHRIST ON A RUBBER CRUTCH SHE’S PLAYING WITH HERSELF!!! all i could get out was a very amused “you need help with that?” whereupon we went to my room and had some very uncomfortable, creepy, (yet oddly hot) sex. did i ever call her again? hell no, son, she fucking trumped my ass, and that’s…..WIDD